Alias.

sugarbabyinatl:

honeycountry:

sugardiariesofasiren:

“Business theory teaches us one important lesson,” says the instructress. Always thoroughly research the desires of the consumer. Apply this principle when you search for a rich man. On a first date there’s one key rule: never talk about yourself. Listen to him. Find him fascinating. Find out his desires. Study his hobbies; then change yourself accordingly.

Never wear jewelry on a first date, the man should think you’re poor. Make him want to buy you jewelry. Arrive in a broken-down car: make him want to buy you a smarter one.

HOW TO GET A GIFT FROM A MAN

“Today we will learn the algorithm for receiving presents,” the instructor tells her students. When you desire a present from a man, place yourself at his left, irrational, emotional side. His right is his rational side: you stand to his right if you’re discussing business projects. But if you desire a present, position yourself by his left. If he is sitting in a chair crouch down, so he feels taller, like you’re a child. Squeeze your vaginal muscles. Yes, your vaginal muscles. This will make your pupils dilate, making you more attractive. When he says something, nod; this nodding will induce him to agree with you. And finally, when you ask for your car, your dress, whatever it is you want, stroke his hand. Gently. Now repeat: Look! Nod! Stroke!

The girls chant back in unison: Look. Nod. Stroke… Look, Nod, Stroke.

HOW TO SPOT A SPONSOR 

“There are three types of men,” she tells her students. The creatives. The analysts. We’re not interested in those. The ones we want are ‘the possessors’, and she repeats the tell-all, prison-intimating phrase, a man behind whom you feel like behind a wall of stone. We all know how to spot them. The strong, silent men. They wear dark suits or nothing fancy at all.There is no in between. They have deep voices. They mean what they say. These men are interested in control. They don’t want a forceful woman. They have enough of that already. They want a girl who’ll be a pretty flower.

CHOOSE YOUR PERSONALITY ACCORDING TO SPONSOR

“I thought at first he wanted a bitch. So I played that role. Now I’m not sure, maybe he doesn’t want a bitch. Maybe he wants a nice girl. You know, sometimes I get confused, I can’t even tell which one I am, the nice girl or the bitch.” This isn’t said dejectedly but as always softly detached, like she thinks about herself in the third person. 

FREESTYLING

Bars/Upscale lounges/Clubs:Oliona walks lightly to the front of the line. She’s on the VIP list. At the beginning of every year she pays the bouncer several thousand dollars to make sure she can always be let in, a necessary tax for her profession.

Some sit by the bar, careful to just order Voss water and thus provoke a Sponsor to invite them for a drink.“Ha, they’re so naïve,” says Oliona. Everyone knows that trick by now.She orders a cocktail and sushi: “I always pretend I don’t need anything from a man.That gets them in.”

Go to an expensive area of town-continues the instructress. “Stand with a map and pretend you are lost. A wealthy man might approach to help.”

HOW TO REACT TO CRITICISM

“You should see the eyes of the girls back home. They’re deadly jealous,” says Oliona. ‘Oh, so your accent’s changed, you speak like a Muscovite now,’ they say. Well, fuck them: that just makes me proud.

You will need a thick skin.People will call you a gold digger,a whore,bitch and those are the kindest terms you will hear. You are going to have to know yourself very well, because you are not going to recognize yourself by what you hear people saying about you. And if you were not born to a certain amount of wealth to begin with, or are uncomfortable with wealth, you will face even more resistance and criticism. 

WHAT NOT TO DO

“Everything you see in this flat is his; I don’t own anything,” says Oliona, peering at her own apartment as if it’s just a stage set, as if it’s someone else who lives there.

Make sure everything you get from your sponsor is in your name-cars,apartment,gifts.Never make this mistake!Cleverly insert how your ex-sponsor who was very possessive and stalkerish demanded you return all your gifts when you broke up with him and you thought that was absolutely ridiculous and very immature.

HOW TO BE DISCREET

“But how can you meet with others guys?” I ask. “Doesn’t your present sponsor keep tabs on you?”

Delete all message and call history,Always meet other sponsors on weekdays,Don’t give out personal info,Keep your mouth shut i.e don’t tell anyone your business,Don’t leave any evidence i.e always pay cash,Call your sponsors by the same name i.e daddy,Learn how to be an expert liar,When caught have a lie ready(the more simple your lie,the better).And lastly NO PICTURES with sponsors.

LAST TIPs

Remember love doesn’t pay the bills,open you up to powerful job opportunities(If you choose to work of course),take you on a last minute weekend trip to the Bahamas ,pay off your student loans,give you a black card for shopping sprees with no budget and it certainly doesn’t buy you a rolls royce as a birthday gift.Always think with your head and not your heart.

**And If she loses her sponsor she’ll just start again, reinvent herself, and press reload**

-Excerpted from Peter Pomerantsev’s new book, Nothing Is True And Everything Is Possible: The Surreal Heart Of The New Russia (PublicAffairs, November 11).

-Sugar diaries of a siren,Sugar Academy 101

Stay safe X

😌

(via exquisitebrownsugar94)

thickthighsthickerwallet:

exoticsb:

sugar4life:

A list of things that you may not think about when entering the bowl but really should consider. 

He will smell. Dog shit breath. Body odor. Stinky balls. Something will smell.

He is married even if he is single. 99% of good SDs are married. So don’t go into the bowl thinking you can get a good, single man to give you lots of money. It likely won’t happen that way. Even if they don’t come right out and say it; they are married. No ring? Married. Doesn’t talk about wife? Married. Seems to travel a lot? Married to a unlucky lady. I find that the unmarried ones tend to be the biggest womanizers, douchebags and assholes. They want a SB out of lazy-ass convenience or lack of social aptitude. Married men want a SB because they don’t get it enough at home or their marriage just isn’t working any longer OR because they do travel a lot and figure why not get some side chick action. Different area codes and such.

He will be old. Very old. And only mildly attractive (if you are lucky). He will be from a different generation. His looks will be fading. He will have at least a few wrinkles (face, balls, legs, back, hands, wherever). There may be a 2-4 generation gap between the two of you. The hot, young, nice, good-hearted, generous types just aren’t trolling the sugar sites regularly and likely aren’t going to be actively searching for an allowance based relationship. You may score a hot, young, rich guy by freestyling but expect to work even harder to get actual money out of him and he will be a boyfriend NOT a SD.

Body hair, everywhere. Older men tend to not be up on the grooming trends of younger men. They will have hairy chests, hairy backs, hairy butts, hairy knuckles, hairy toes, hairy ears, hairy nose holes and so much pubic hair that you won’t be able to see his balls. And don’t even think about suggesting he trim it down or shave. He can’t. His wife will wonder why he suddenly cares about his hairy balls and back. Then he will have to end the arrangement out of fear of his wife finding out.

He has problems. And you have to listen to them. Part Most of being a sugar baby is to be his escape. If he needs to vent about work, the wifey, his kids, his latest doctor visit then you need to sit there and at least pretend to listen/care. That’s the deal. 

You get have to travel with him. I have been to some amazing places with some of my SDs. I get to see the world, stay in beautiful hotels, eat delicious local cuisine and I get paid to do all of it. The only thing that would make it better is if my SD disappeared from the equation and a cute guy appeared or my friends or my family or even a coworker I don’t really like but could still chill on a beach with. Or hell, even if I was there alone it would be better than being stuck with him 24 hours a day, for 4 or 5 days straight PLUS travel time. But I still go because, you know, money and free trips and shit.

You aren’t allowed to have problems. Outside of gently suggesting that you don’t have money for rent or whatever, you don’t have problems. You don’t have friend drama. You don’t have coworkers you hate. You don’t have anxiety. You can only have a “problem” every once in a while and that problem better damn well be able to be fixed with money. He can fix money-based problems without batting an eye but your emotional shit needs to be checked at the door. (Note: When you have been with an SD for a substantial amount of time you can slowly share more of your non-money problems but you have to gauge how much interest he truly has in them to keep him from thinking of you as another wife-type)

He may be very boring. The longer you are around him the less interesting he will seem. There is usually a reason he has to pay women for company. 

He may be the opposite of boring. He will have insane energy and keep you entertained but you should expect to need a day or two to recover from your energy-draining SD.

THE MONEY WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH. Starting out you think $3k/mo is enough. After a year, $5k/mo is barely enough. In a few years you will KNOW that even 100k/day isn’t really enough to put up with these guys.

It will be a constant mental struggle between spend and save. Even those of us who save like crazy still have thoughts of “spend spend spend”. You have money. You save it. You have more money than you need to save. But if you keep saving you can buy better things later. But right now that awesome Chanel bag is calling your name. But, no, later is better. Later is a house.

Once you really do become a SB, leaving the life forever will be difficult. Once you get into the groove, the job gets easier because you learn to deal with the negatives and quitting a lucrative, easy job is never easy. Plus, you can technically do this job forever. This can be your career. You can be a kept woman and live a fancy life forever as long as you give up a few other dreams. But right now you must work hard for it.

Your schedule doesn’t REALLY matter. Sure, you schedule around your own activities as much as possible but when push comes to shove you WILL cancel movie night with the girls, call off work, or skip a pool party if it means you can keep your SD around longer.

Tired? Sick? Tough shit. You still need to smile, be flirty and “enjoy” his company. I guarantee HE will show up for dates with a runny nose and a sore back because he only gets a few chances to get away from the wife and there is no way in hell he is missing play time because of the flu. Expect them to expect the same commitment from you.

It is a full time job. I repeat, it is a FULL TIME JOB. Until you have a good number of proven/established/long-term SDs who are surpassing your minimum allowance needs and you are saving like a madwoman, then you can’t really sit back and relax. Since they can leave you at any time you have to keep going on those terrible dates and keep researching new guys. It takes a long time to truly be secure enough in current arrangements to be able to stop doing this completely. Don’t expect to be “that lucky girl” who found a sugar husband after a week of trying. 

The odds are not in your favor. My guess is for every 100 contacts you make on dating sites, 20 of them will actually turn into sugar-potential dates and only 2 of those will become POT material guys and maybe 1 of those will become an SD.

SDs are not built to last. You went on tons of dates, did the legwork, and now are getting your desired allowance from a nice SD. IF he lasts past two months, good. IF he lasts past 4 months, great. IF he actually lasts close to or beyond a year then he really is a good SD and you can consider yourself to be truly lucky.

Being with him will be embarrassing, like, all the time. People will stare. They will wonder if he is your lover/boss/father/grandfather. Walking to hotel rooms with him will be awkward as fuck. Every. Single. Time. Oh, and just wait until he wants to hold your hand or kiss you in public. Be prepared to be the center of unwanted attention everywhere you go.

But if you can get past all of these things and still manage to find and lockdown a few good SDs, save your money and maintain your sanity then you will be on your way to financial freedom. It takes hard work but so do most good things in life.

This got me lolin real good.
😂😂😂

Every bit of this is the truth!

(via chinesesugardoll-blog)

plasmalogical:

who at the NSA has seen me naked? how many of them want to call me. i know youre reading this. im not doing anything tonight or tomorrow

(via chinesesugardoll-blog)

princessasvgar:

bondgirlsugar:

Whenever a guy so tactfully reminds you that “ for every sugar daddy on this site there are 10 sugar babies ” you remind him - go to a bar alone and see how many young females talk to him and then imagine me at a bar in a room full of older men with money.

Every man is a sugar daddy once they’ve met you. There is nothing special about his wealth, his dick or his expertise that you can’t get down the block. Unless he treats you with utmost respect and generosity, that’s all that matters. Never give a guy the power because he’s on a site that happens to skew toward more female users.

tru tru tru

(via chinesesugardoll-blog)

miami-sugarbush:

femininephilanthropist:

*** Warning: Only try this with the sugardaddies you actually like and feel some attachment too. And definitely trust ***

Please heed the warning or you will crash and burn if you attempt the following.

PREPARE YOUR MEETING PLACE: If you’re regularly meeting at a hotel room, get daddy to get you a prepaid card so that you can go ahead and rent the room ahead of your visit. This will save him the trouble of doing it and allow you a chance to control your interaction. A lot of escorts do this for that very same reason: control.  For him, the businessman or exec who’s dealing with all kinds of shit this takes some pressure off him. What you have to understand about a successful man is that he’s always under pressure. He’s getting beat to shit daily from work, life, and home and he’s probably middle-aged meaning half of daddy’s life is already gone. Daunting. You need to be the calming voice in his life. When he gets there, of course be in your best lingerie, smelling good, etc, with the sheets pulled back on the bed. Or, answer the door naked, in a pair of red bottoms, etc. Or, ask to keep one of his ties for a souvenir on a previous date and when your next visit at the room arrived, have it on and nothing else.

If you host your visits at your residence, then ask daddy what kind of snack he likes. Fruit? Have some strawberries or grapes waiting for him when he comes over. He likes wine, etc.,? Have a glass poured. You can enjoy glass too. Its ok. If you have a problem drinking with daddy, refer to my warning above. :)

RELAX HIM: Give daddy a massage. Not an hour, just 10 minutes to break him down. This is a good time to ask for shit. If he has dry skin, bring some oil in your purse. First rub his back, making sure you’re getting in between those shoulder blades, etc. Skip the legs, lower torso etc. Unnecessary. He’s tense from meetings and conference calls all day. Turn him over and rub him briefly on his chest before you work your way down to his love zone. Rub his dick and don’t forget the boys. When he’s nice hard, start fellatio (if you do fellatio).  If he doesn’t want a massage or doesn’t have time that’s cool. You need to put it out there anyway. 

Time taken: 7 - 10 minutes

LAY YOUR HEAD ON HIS CHEST: After sex, cuddle up next to him and lay your head on his chest. If he has little or no hair this will be easy. If he’s a hairy bastard you might find another place to lay your head but the goal is to cuddle him. Use the hair to your advantage and play with it as you lie there. Twist it in your fingers or some shit. Make him feel like he just pleased you in every way possible. He probably didn’t, but it’s all about the fantasy. This is easy to do if you like him. Refer to my warning above! Say something meaningful like, “That was good daddy.”  If you have psychological hang-ups about calling him daddy then say “That was good baby..”  or “Mmmm I needed that.” All too often chicks are just lying there side by side with him in her own world. You can remain in your own world just do it cuddling him. This is also a good habit to have when you get married. :) 

Time taken: Not applicable

CLEAN HIM UP: Grab a warm damp warm towel, and remove the condom. Wipe up his penis and go put the condom in the toilet. If no condom was used, you can still clean him up if his penis is about stick to his leg. If  he’s caught off your guard, or ask what you’re doing, tell him “I’m just taking care of you daddy…” I got this one from several Escorts I’ve seen over the years. Trust me. You want some brownie points? Try it a few times. You can even be cute about it and say, “Gosh, you had a lot in there.” Or my FAVORITE “….I see you’ve been saving up for me. You had a lot!” The latter is perfect for you babies seeing daddy once a week. When you’re done cleaning him up, lay back on him. This is also another good time to ask for shit. 

Time taken: 30 - 45 seconds

TASTE IT: Now I might lose a few of you here but it’s my duty to put it out there anyway.  While you cleaning him up, put a forefinger in your mouth and say, “Mmm you taste good.” He might pass the hell out. If you’re good at this he won’t know you don’t actually have some cum on your finger. Hopefully, some of you catch what I mean on the latter. :) Or, if you swallow anyway then nothing is wrong with a little protein on your finger and tasting it.

Time taken:  2 seconds

PUT HIS SHIRT ON: If you’re going to be in the hotel room awhile, try this one out. This will kill him. If he wears good smelling cologne capitalize on it. With the shirt on, pull the collar up to your nose and say, “Mmm I love your smell daddy…” You won’t be lying if he wears good cologne. Chances are you already noticed his cologne but you were too much of a bitch to say you smell good. This is the sexiest shit EVER though. Nothing cuter than your 110, 120, 150 lbs ass in his big ass shirt. One of my previous sugarbabies used to do this. Drove me crazy.

Oh and congratulations!!!! Now he’s going to be thinking about you the rest of the day. You’ve inadvertently left your perfume on his shirt. Now he’s gonna be smelling your pretty little ass the rest of the day. Just don’t leave any lipstick!

Take a selfie with the shirt on. Send it to him days later in between your visits.

Time taken: 10 seconds to put on his shirt. Time elapsed before he wants to take it back off and fuck again: 60 seconds. Likelihood of you getting that Celine purse: High.

HELP HIM GET DRESSED: This one is especially important for the busy executive, businessman or man that works in a professional setting and he’s on his lunch break, or on his way home to his vanilla life. No, don’t help him pull his trousers up. But you can help with the belt as you kiss him on the chest. I’m saying as he buttons his shirt, go help him. Help him button the ones on his sleeves as well. And most important help put his tie back on and straighten it and his collar afterwards. Then finish it with a kiss. If you don’t get a chance to do all that, then collect his shoes and socks and bring them to him. Don’t’ try and put those on - that’s just corny. You’ll love his reaction I promise.

Time taken: 30 – 45 seconds

CUDDLE HIM: Recently, I learned something about myself. I read somewhere that one of the reasons why I cheat is because I as a man want to be cuddled and held. I thought this was bullshit but it’s quite true.  I know this is contrary to all the SD advice you’ve been getting but take it from a long standing member of the sugar community its true. I’ll explain this one better by giving a real life example. Now when I would first come over, Nebraska and I would sit on her bed and talk and she’d find some way to wrap her legs around and hug me like I was her long lost boyfriend. I was going through some things and it felt good for somebody in this world to seemingly take an interest in my plight. Then, she’d just sit there and stare at me like I was a big piece of steak. Staring at my mouth. When I’d talk too long she’d start taking off my clothes. While she was getting me undressed, she was always say one of these 3 things:  “ I know you didn’t’ come here to do all that talking…” or “You just gonna talk?” or my favorite “Or we gonna fuck or not daddy?” One day, after sex I was sitting on the bed and she climbed on the bed, sat down behind me so that I was in between her legs. As I was talking so she kissed me gingerly on my back and also laid her head on my back as we talked.  This shit made me feel like a king. When Nebraska and I ended our arrangement she said, “Well I was actually genuinely interested in you…” This is why I mentioned only try these techniques when you have some type of genuine attraction to daddy. Its easier to do and you won’t be faking which will speak volumes.

Time taken: none. You were going to be doing all this talking anyway, just on one side of the bed or side by side as you sat on the bed. The difference here is you’re cuddling him while you do it.  

Now, I’m about to drop half of you right here.

LET HIM CUM TWICE: You’re laying there in his arms, listening to his bullshit. Reach down and play with his love while he’s talking. After a moment ask, “You got another round in you daddy?” Regardless of his answer, go down and start blowing him again. It should be cleaned if you followed my advice earlier – clean him up. Anyway, if he said no, he’ll appreciate your dedication and let you try and revive him before he stops you. If he says yes, then its self explanatory.  Relax though. Your middle-aged daddy most likely won’t have a second round in him anyway. This METHOD is extremely effective with the sugarbabies that only see their daddy once a week.  But, for other arrangements its works quite well too.  

A lot of chicks are jumping up, cleaning up and rushing out the door, saying how you have so much to do today. Nothing kills a relationship like feeling like you’re being used (even though you actually are!). But remember, you want him around awhile. This is definitely a powerful tool to make that happen. Sends a clear signal that you’re all about pleasing him. (I hope the latter doesn’t get me in trouble). Trust me. An extra several minutes is cheap time to spend if you knew you’d be getting another 4 - 6 months out of daddy.

Time taken: 5 – 7 minutes

FINISHING TOUCHES: Put the finishing touches on it. When you’ve helped him finish getting dressed, and you know he’s on his way back to work or back to business, when he heads out the door say something encouraging like, “Go get’em baby.“ Or if he told you about some crap going on at work, take the opp to regurgitate it. “Fuck Bob. He’s an asshole. You should have got the promotion.” blah blah. You get the point. The latter can be applied even as you both do a last kiss before you head out the door. Again, it’s all about the finishing touches.

Time taken: 2 seconds

I know some of you are saying, “I ain’t doing all that shit.” But remember you are selling a fantasy. You’re giving the most precious part of your body away. Only to have your average sugardaddy relationship end in 2 to 3 months? All because he’s had his fill of your kitty. I assure you incorporating these techniques into your visits with daddy will go a long way and add months onto your relationship. This will help keep him coming back for more and more. Another way to put it, why not hook daddy for several months or even a few years and milk him dry (no pun intended) with just a few extra things?

I put the time on the end of these sections to show how long these little techniques actually take. Like I always say just a little extra goes a LONG way. These simple yet EXTREMELY effective techniques WILL prolong your sugar relationship. So why not incorporate them into your experience? I GUARANTEE daddy will respond to this stuff. I know because I’ve had it all done to me before and it blew me away then and it blows me away now as I type!

Damn I’m horny now. And my visit with sugarbaby isn’t for a few days.

Time to close the office door and get in a little pornhub and redtube.

So freaking helpful to get this from sugar daddies POV

(via chinesesugardoll-blog)

Friday night I went out on SD date but he never cares what I do after we’ve been out for a few hours and go back to the loft and do it. so I went to Beale street with my girl friend and she ended up leaving with some random dude.

I ran into a former SD (more like POT, but he always claimed I was too young to be with him and his friends although we run around in the same fu king social circles -eye roll-) and he wanted me to come over and said he had allowance money. I politely declined.

went back to the club and ended up hooking up with an NBA player at the Westin. came back downtown and did some coke with a guy friend that manages a busy ass bar on Beale… and came back to the loft to sleep. I lost my keys earlier that night so the rest of the weekend was not wild. but I definitely had fun. I feel like the hot ass basketball player was not expecting that much fun in the bedroom from white Arkansan girl. hahaha. fun shit fa sho.

toxicfamilies:

Many people hope that once they leave home, they will leave their family and childhood problems behind. However, many find that they experience similar problems, as well as similar feelings and relationship patterns, long after they have left the family environment. Ideally, children grow up in family environments which help them feel worthwhile and valuable. They learn that their feelings and needs are important and can be expressed. Children growing up in such supportive environments are likely to form healthy, open relationships in adulthood. However, families may fail to provide for many of their children’s emotional and physical needs. In addition, the families’ communication patterns may severely limit the child’s expressions of feelings and needs. Children growing up in such families are likely to develop low self esteem and feel that their needs are not important or perhaps should not be taken seriously by others. As a result, they may form unsatisfying relationships as adults.

Types Of Dysfunctional Families

The following are some examples of patterns that frequently occur in dysfunctional families.

• One or both parents have addictions or compulsions (e.g., drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, gambling, overworking, and/or overeating) that have strong influences on family members.
• One or both parents use the threat or application of physical violence as the primary means of control. Children may have to witness violence, may be forced to participate in punishing siblings, or may live in fear of explosive outbursts.
• One or both parents exploit the children and treat them as possessions whose primary purpose is to respond to the physical and/or emotional needs of adults (e.g., protecting a parent or cheering up one who is depressed).
• One or both parents are unable to provide, or threaten to withdraw, financial or basic physical care for their children. Similarly, one or both parents fail to provide their children with adequate emotional support.
• One or both parents exert a strong authoritarian control over the children. Often these families rigidly adhere to a particular belief (religious, political, financial, personal). Compliance with role expectations and with rules is expected without any flexibility.

There is a great deal of variability in how often dysfunctional interactions and behaviors occur in families, and in the kinds and the severity of their dysfunction. However, when patterns like the above are the norm rather than the exception, they systematically foster abuse and/or neglect. Children may:

• Be forced to take sides in conflicts between parents.
• Experience “reality shifting” in which what is said contradicts what is actually happening (e.g., a parent may deny something happened that the child actually observed, for example, when a parent describes a disastrous holiday dinner as a “good time”).
• Be ignored, discounted, or criticized for their feelings and thoughts.
• Have parents that are inappropriately intrusive, overly involved and protective.
• Have parents that are inappropriately distant and uninvolved with their children.
• Have excessive structure and demands placed on their time, choice of friends, or behavior; or conversely, receive no guidelines or structure.
• Experience rejection or preferential treatment.
• Be restricted from full and direct communication with other family members.
• Be allowed or encouraged to use drugs or alcohol.
• Be locked out of the house.
• Be slapped, hit, scratched, punched, or kicked.

Resulting Problems

Abuse and neglect inhibit the development of children’s trust in the world, in others, and in themselves. Later as adults, these people may find it difficult to trust the behaviors and words of others, their own judgements and actions, or their own senses of selfworth. Not surprisingly, they may experience problems in their academic work, their relationships, and in their very identities.

In common with other people, abused and neglected family members often struggle to interpret their families as “normal.” The more they have to accommodate to make the situation seem normal (e.g., “No, I wasn’t beaten, I was just spanked. My father isn’t violent, it’s just his way”), the greater is their likelihood of misinterpreting themselves and developing negative self concepts (e.g., “I had it coming; I’m a rotten kid”).

Making Changes

Sometimes we continue in our roles because we are waiting for our parents to give us “permission”; to change. But that permission can come only from you. Like most people, parents in dysfunctional families often feel threatened by changes in their children. As a result, they may thwart your efforts to change and insist that you “change back.” That’s why it’s so important for you to trust your own perceptions and feelings. Change begins with you. Some specific things you can do include:

• Identify painful or difficult experiences that happened during your childhood.
• Make a list of your behaviors, beliefs, etc. that you would like to change.
• Next to each item on the list, write down the behavior, belief, etc. that you would like to do/have instead.
• Pick one item on your list and begin practicing the alternate behavior or belief. Choose the easiest item first.
• Once you are able to do the alternate behavior more often than the original, pick another item on the list and practice changing it, too.

In addition to working on your own, you might find it helpful to work with a group of people with similar experiences and/or with a professional counselor.

Special Considerations

As you make changes, keep in mind the following:

• Stop trying to be perfect. In addition, don’t try to make your family perfect.
• Realize that you are not in control of other people’s lives. You do not have the power to make others change.
• Don’t try to win the old struggles – you can’t win.
• Set clear limits – e.g., if you do not plan on visiting your parents for a holiday, say “no,” not “be.”
• Identify what you would like to have happen. Recognize that when you stop behaving the way you used to, even for a short time, there may be adverse reactions from your family or friends. Anticipate what the reactions will be (e.g., tears, yelling, other intimidating responses) and decide how you will respond.

Final Note

Don’t become discouraged if you find yourself slipping back into old patterns of behavior. Changes may be slow and gradual; however, as you continue to practice new and healthier behaviors, they will begin to become part of your day to day living.

References And Additional Resources

Some excellent books on Dysfunctional Families are:

1. Toxic Parents. S. Forward. New York: Bantam Books, 1989.
2. Cutting Loose. H. Halpern. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1976.
3. How to Deal with Your Parents When They Still Treat You Like a Child. L. Osterkamp. New York: Berkley Books, 1992.

The Counseling Center has several other self-help brochures that may be particularly helpful: Adult Children of Alcoholics, Your Parent’s Divorce, Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse, Perfectionism, Loneliness, Assertiveness. The Counseling Center also offers free workshops related to these issues. Dates, times, and locations of workshops are periodically listed in the Daily Illini , or you can call the Counseling Center at 333-3704 for more information.

The Counseling Center also provides group and individual counseling, and referral to other campus and community resources. For more information or to schedule an appointment to explore and assess what may be most helpful for you, call the Counseling Center at 333-3704. Appointments are strictly confidential and pre-paid through your Health Service Fee.

• Growing Up with Drinking or Other Substance Abuse
• Emotional Abuse
• Understanding Dysfunctional Relationship Patterns in Your Family
• Coping with Mental Illness in the Family
• Your Parents’ Divorce

Counseling Center at University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign | 610 E John St | 217 333 3704 | RSS Feed
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dyingdreams-childofthestars:

Watching so many Disney movies made me think your family can never be toxic. They were supposed to pull you up even though you don’t know what’s happening.

But of lately, I’m starting to think otherwise. Maybe I’ve always known but denied it, but my family is toxic. Criticism and negativity is suppose to stop at a certain level or age. But it hasn’t, and I’m an adult.

Maybe the romantic in me wished and hoped that one day, I’ll understand. The big picture will come into place and there’ll be a happily ever after. And after years of waiting, I’ve given up. I don’t believe in happily ever after or in true love. No, no ex-boyfriends destroyed the dream. It was family. They made me cynical, that the world has no good side, no good Samaritans, no good deed goes unpunished, and you’ve gotta cheat them before they cheat you.

Meeting new people taught me something else. No man is an island. Humans are social creatures and we need a pack. Maybe to them, I am their pack. But I can’t take it. I need my own pack, either that or I’m better off a lone wolf.

They’re the cause of my current state of mental health. I hope it’s not irreversible.

how do I go about finding sisters to hire for a Sugar Daddy and myself? He is willing to fly us to them, but his fantasy is for us to play with sisters. I can’t find anything reputable on a Google search.

Any ideas? Or is there anyone on Tumblr specializing in this?

Preferably within the USA!

thank you!

feel free to reblog

xoxo,
-love

sugarinmiami:

sugarmacaron:

I am the virgin friend of many hoes and since I can’t ho properly just yet I specialize in ho maintenance. I have an immense knowledge of skin and hair and let me tell you what you need to do to your body before you go and see your first draft pick, your geriatric sugar daddy, your main bitch’s father:

You need to set aside a day to wash your body. Have a full tank of hot water because me personally when I take a bath I take a shower too. I have taken two baths back to back when I’m ready to spa day which is probably why I do it like once every two years but anyways.

1. That pussy clean
Fill your tub with water. Get a ½ a cup of apple cider vinegar and dump that shit in there. Sit in there. It’s gonna get your pH right. Also, naturally wash your ass. This is a good time to shave your legs…
2. Bust out the coconut oil
Smear it on your legs. On your armpits. Shave em. I don’t advise shaving your na na with it because to be honest I had a bad experience in college and yeah. We’re gonna need another post for the real deal.
3. Use a scrub
If you like that Dead Sea shit from the mall go ahead and use it. If you’re a natural bitch like myself prepare a mixture of brown sugar and coconut oil. And of course vanilla extract because bitch, you are sweet. Run that scrub on your legs. Your armpits. Elbows. Knees. For you thick girls your thighs.
4. Drain the toxins
From your tub. Drain your tub. Rinse it.
If you don’t have time get in the shower and proceed normally. If you got all day and a banging album play that shit, watch House of Cards, watch Snapped and fill that tub back up.
5. Bath salts
Not the kind that people from Florida seem to really enjoy. Lavender is my favorite scent. Fill your tub up with hot water and throw those scented bath silts in there, put in that bubble bath and wash yourself. Sing to yourself. Love yourself. Figuratively. Or not I mean if you’re a ho you’re a ho. Sit in there until the water is warm and get out.
5. Some of you hoes are expensive ones and you wanna smear La Mer all over your body and you can go ahead but the best lotion I’ve ever had – I’ve tried every French, Swiss, Dutch, lotion on the market para my mother – is four dollars. Aveeno daily moisturizing lotion. Back when I was a sad ho my feet were so dry the caught on my sheets girl. I bought this shit when my lotion ran out and I forgot how good it was. I’m telling you my feet went back to being as soft as when I was born. No pedicure. I swear by it.

Bonus tips:
If you have that dry skin in your toenails, put baby oil on it daily. They will be no more.
If you’re thick and you have dark skin on the inside of your thighs rub coconut oil on it daily.
If your man ain’t shit rub coconut oil on him daily.
Prosper my hoes. Prosper.

Always reblog

(via confessions-of-a-sugarbaby)